9 Ways you Can Tell If Your Relationship Won't Work
The sound of his chewing is beyond annoying. And let's not
get started on how she never ever makes the bed . These little issues are
totally normal in any relationship, and aren't indicative of whether or not
your romance will survive. But there are several warning signs that signal
bigger problems—and threaten the viability of the relationships. Are Ready to
assess the strength of your union? Here are 9 big red
flags to look out for.
1. Your conflicts include criticism and contempt.
Instead of saying,
Please unload the dishwasher , a troubled relation will sounds more like
this: "Do you have some sort of
mental condition? Or are you just too stupid to remember to do what I
asked?" Notice how the criticism is not about the task—it's about the
person. Any version of "What is
wrong with you?" basically attacks the other person's character, which,
when done regularly, can chip away at the relationship. As for the contempt
part, that means you feel superior to you partner. Often, this can sound like, "Why do I have to do everything around
here? You do nothing to help out." Contempt is also expressed
non-verbally: eye-rolling, sneering, or imitating the person's mannerisms. And
contempt just causes more conflict.
If you are stuck in a cycle of negativity, I suggests that
you make five positive comments to offset one negative comment. "If, for
example , you criticized your husband about his terrible driving, force
yourself to make at least five endearing comments throughout the rest of the
day to smooth things over.
2. Trust is totally lacking.
There is no worse deceit than when a partner has cheated,
either sexually or financially. "It breaks the trust in the relationship,
and sometimes the breach is not fixable. If the couple wants to fix it, the
person who broke the trust needs to be willing to be accountable to their
partner, tell the truth, and give up some privacy until the trust is repaired.
3. There's not a lot of touching going on.
Touch is the building block of connection and intimacy in
romantic relationships. While happy
couples do tend to touch more, the true indicator of a healthy relationship is
not how often your partner touches you, but how often he or she touches you in response
to your touch." In short: the stronger the touch reciprocity, the higher
the emotional intimacy and satisfaction in the relationship.
Similarly, it's a bad sign if a couple's body language shows
that they're trying to ward off the other person
4. There's too much drama.
If a couple fights all the time—especially if there's
violence on either side- I always recommends that they live apart. "The
couple has to learn to give up the drama—the temper tantrums, hissy fits, and
name-calling—and learn to communicate in a healthy way.
5. No big emotions are expressed.
On the flip side, it's also not good if neither partner
cries or expresses big emotions—even anger—and are instead cold towards each
other. It means that they've gone past the point of hurt and have cut off all
feelings toward one another. it's
actually better when a couple is yelling, screaming, and crying rather than
sitting there expressionless and turned off. "When someone acts as if they
can't wait to get out of the session, they've already decided that the relationship is over. If one or both parties won't talk about what
he or she feels and thinks, or one of them won't listen, the relationship won't
make it unless that person makes a change.
6. Someone has outside entanglements.
If one partner is involved elsewhere (either with a romantic
affair, with an ex, or is even too caught up with work, other family members,
or children) and won't devote time to his or her partner, the relationship is
in trouble.
7. You're losing interest in one another.
You sit at dinner and don't speak to each other. You don't
have any shared hobbies. Sometimes I see a marked lack of affection, humor,
active interest, excitement, or joy. when this happens it may seem like everything
is fine because there's not a high level of negativity or arguing. But it's
still dangerous. when they stop being friends, the relationship can't grow.
8. There's a total lack of empathy.
A relationship has reached critical mass when there is
little or no identification with the other person's feelings. This makes both
partners feel alone and uncared for because neither of their hurts and pains
are being acknowledged. Often, the couple becomes cruel to one another in an
effort to make the other one suffer to experience how bad he or she feels.
9. There's zero motivation to make any of it work.
When I work with a couple, the first thing I do is look each
one of them in the eye and ask 'Do you want this relationship? Asking this
question usually brings out the truth—sometimes a person will bring in their
spouse in order to break up with them. They're either afraid to say they're not
interested anymore because they fear a violent or angry response and they're
looking to me for safety, or they're afraid to hurt the partner's feelings, and
they want me to make it easy.
watch out for these signs and make amends.
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