Two Specific
Changes You Can Make Today to Get Better Results With Communication
#1 Say what you mean, And nothing else. I am amazed at how
deeply we have entangled emotion with business dialogue. I spend the most time
helping clients understand that it is okay to be clear, crisp, frank and direct
.I’m not sure how this has gotten off track. But I continually hear people
burying what they want to communicate in a big giant heaping snowball of fluffy
emotion. It goes like this,
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, or offend
you, because I really like you and enjoy working with you and those cookies you
bake for everyone is so thoughtful and your work on that project last week was
so amazing and so I’m wondering if it would be okay if I suggest that maybe, if
you are okay with it, on this project you use a blue folder because this client
really loves blue. Oh and how are your kids liking their new school?”
Then I hear,
“I don’t understand
why she goes off and does whatever she wants. I told her to use a blue folder
on that client project and when she handed it to me as I was walking out the
door, it was in an orange folder. She’s got time for baking cookies and filling
out her kids school paperwork, but can’t take the time to do what I asked!”
WHAT!!!!!!!!
If it is
true that our working memory can effectively hold on to 4 unique thoughts at
one time, how could this person possibly hold onto what is ultimately being
communicated – use a blue folder for this client.
Let’s break
down the exchange above:
Concept One:
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
Responsive
Thought One:“Oh no. She is going to say something harsh.”
Concept
Two: “I really like you.”
Responsive
Thought Two:“Then why didn’t she invite me to her holiday party last year?”
Concept
Three: “Those cookies you bake are so thoughtful.”
Responsive
Thought Three:“I should bake some again. Do I have chocolate chips? I better go
to the grocery store on the way home.”
Concept
Four:“Your work on the last project was amazing.”
Responsive
Thought Four:“What was the last project? Oh yes, it was a beautiful orange
bound presentation. Everyone loved the orange. I think I have another orange
cover.”
Concept
Five: “I suggest maybe, if you are okay with it, on this project use blue.”
Responsive
Thought Five:“The orange was such a hit and there is one more orange cover. I
want this kind of appreciation and praise again. When will she stop talking so
I can snag that orange cover?”
Concept Six:
“The client loves blue.”
Responsive
Through Six:“Yes. But orange was such a hit. Please stop talking.”
Concept
Seven: “How are your kids liking their new school?”
Responsive
Thought Seven:“School? Oh my gosh! I’ve gotta print out those permission slips
and fill out the school photo paperwork and go to Back to School night tonight.
How will I possibly get to the grocery store and make cookies for tomorrow for
all the staff. She said everyone loves them.
I see this
same pattern over and over again – the sugar coating of a request. The failure
to be crystal clear and frank when having business dialogue. The intrusion of
emotion, designed only to make the speaker feel better, actually clouds the
directions. If the supervisor here had simply said, “On this project, I want a
blue cover”, I guarantee you the staff person would have used blue. If she did
not, the follow up conversation would be really clear, “I said to use blue.
What happened?”In the top request, soaked in honey and surrounded with all
kinds of distracting fluff, the staff person could say, “I didn’t hear that”,
and they would be right. Their working memory just couldn’t get Concept Five in
the door. And it was only a suggestion anyway.
#2 Directive, Discussion or Group Decision? How many times have you left a
meeting wondering, “Did we decide on something?” I spend a great deal of time
facilitating conversations where one person moved forward on a project or
implementing a policy and then were called on the carpet for advancing. The
conversation goes like this:
Supervisor: “Why did you do that? We hadn’t decided to
move forward?”
Staff
person: “What? I spent four hours on
this because at the last meeting we decided to do this!”
Supervisor: “I didn’t think we decided. I thought we were
just talking about it. Joe, did you think we decided?”
Joe: “I wasn’t sure. So I just keep going like I
was until someone tells me different.”
Supervisor: “Well, now we have a mess to clean up.” The
simple solution here is to use specific language.
And for
leadership to communicate clearly about their intention using phrases like: “I
want to have a discussion on how to proceed on “X”. This is a discussion.
“I will make
the ultimate decision and will inform you by friday.” “From now on we will use
only blue folders for client presentations. This is a decision.”
“I want to
have a discussion about the 2016 holiday schedule and at the end of this
discussion we will all vote on the calendar and it will be final.”If staff
doesn’t hear this language, it is their responsibility to clarify by saying,
“I’m unclear. Is this your decision, an information seeking discussion only, or
is it a group decision?”
When
business language and emotions get all tossed together, the end result is drama
and confusion. In the work world we really only have three resources: Money, Knowledge and expertise.
Time, Money
and knowledge are renewable resources. We can make more money. We can hire more
talent. But time spent in confusion and drama is never regained. It is
non-renewable. Therefore, time is our most precious resource. Have you had to
work with that person who is too valuable to fire but whose communication and
leadership style continually make others cringe and put the company at risk?
Proper communication
is key to result.
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